Part Two of the End of the World, Zombie Apocalypse, Lava Armageddon, Alien Abduction Giveaway of Epic Proportions!!! Just comment on today's post, as well as Monday's post here, for a chance to win some fab books!
Preparing for the Apocalypse, folks. That's what it's all about. No matter what form the End takes, we need to be ready. Or else, y'know, all those crazy folks on Doomsday Preppers will be laughing at us, and everyone knows there's nothing worse than being laughed at by drooling hillbillies who look like Viggo Mortensen's sister/mother/daughter from Texas Chainsaw Massacre part whatever-it-was.
So. Let's get ready! In Monday's post (yeah, Monday's post. You saw it, right? Well, why not?) Kylie gave us some pointers on what to bring along on the fateful day when zombies attack!!! In Kylie's fab, sexy new book FLESH, it's all about when zombies attack!!! And that's great. We all know what to do when zombies attack!!! …or do we?
It all depends which Apocalypse you show up to. In my book REVELATION, it's not just zombies taking over Manhattan. It's the WRATH OF GOD, folks. Bringing a shotgun to this big old seven-signs, demons-on-angels, heavens-rain-fire party is like bringing a knife to… well, to a really big-ass gunfight.
These zombies aren't just diseased walking dead who shamble about moaning for brainsss: they're demon-cursed magical mo-fos, and they really don't like you. Except as dinner. Or a sex slave. Maybe in that order.
Point is, they can't be killed by bullets. Their gleeful demon masters will laugh at your AK-47 while they're crawling up your nose in a puff of smoke and sucking your eyeballs out for supper.
And as for siphoning fuel… well, no one drives in Manhattan, mate. And demons may gloat and monologue on occasion, but they aren't stupid. Blow up a few bridges, flood the subway with an ocean of blood, and you're not going anywhere.
So what to bring to the Biblical Apocalypse? Let's see:
Go on, try it: shoot that demon-cursed walking corpse. Blam! Congratulations. You just made him angrier, and hungrier for your flesshhhhh…. While you're sprinting in the other direction, the penny drops: what you need is a bladed weapon. Preferably a heaven-blessed sword, or failing that, a good old-fashioned scythe should slow them down. Heads will roll. Gore will flow. And you'll stay alive a few moments longer.
<= In short, you aim to become this guy here.
2. Your very own warrior angel
When the signs start, it'll be everyone for themselves. So if you can rope in your own personal winged warrior, you're already streets ahead. Preferably one as gorgeous as the guy on my cover, with a big, long, massive flaming sword… but there are way more people than angels, and everyone's gonna want one. So forget your tedious scruples about cheating, lying and shamelessly trading sex for protection. The world's ending, folks. Do what you gotta to get yourself an angel. You won't regret it.
Splash a bit of this stuff on, and cursed flesh will smoke and bubble and scream. There's nothing demons hate more. Except maybe you, and your hunky angel boyfriend. So holy it up, folks. Raid the font at your local religious establishment and fill up your thermos with holy water.
<= If you can't be Blade, why not become this guy?
Which brings me to my most important preparation item…
Yeah. Tiresome, I know. But that's kind of the point of the End, right? Sheep from the goats, and all that? Demons can smell doubt, and it smells like DINNER. So you better start believing in something, even if it's only that said hunky angel boyfriend will save you, and that everything will turn out okay in the end. It's not just your life that's at stake, but your immortal soulll… bwahahaaaa…
Anyway. For gleeful demons, flesh-bubbling holy water, cursed walking corpses and sexy warrior angels with huge swords (hmm, I keep coming back to that) and more!! feel free to grab yourself a copy of REVELATION. You can read the first chapter here at my website. Or, download the free Kindle sample, which has almost the first TWO chapters.
Righto. That's that done. Wanna win!? Of course you do. All you gotta do is:
1) Leave a comment on this post. Answer me this question: would you rather fight demons or zombies, and why? Or hell, if you don't like that question, tell me who you'd choose if you had to trade sex for protection. And don't forget to leave your email addy!
2) Flip back to Monday's post by Kylie Scott, author of FLESH, and give it some comment love too.
The prize for one lucky winner is an e-copy of either REVELATION or FLESH. So get commenting. Before those zombies arrive, and it's too late...